This isn’t directly related to bilingualism, but for those of us raising young children with an awareness of and appreciation for Chinese culture, I thought it provided an interesting perspective on the more difficult moments. The blog A Ku Indeed has a post about taking a Taoist approach to discipline. He quotes a verse of the Tao Te Ching:
Poem 43 says:
The softest things of the world
Override the hardest things of the world
That which has no substance
Enters into that which has no openings.
From this I know the benefits of unattached actions
The teaching without words.
The benefits of actions without attachment
Are rarely matched in the world.
The blogger then continues:
When I read this poem, I immediately see the connection to Big-P and our recent struggles. Basically, in trying to force her to do what she’s been told, and in focusing on correction and on punishment, we’ve set up (or me, more than my wife) an antagonistic structure within the parental relationship. Basically, I’m trying to make sure that Big-P does what I have told her to do. Partly, this is good-natured and well intentioned. However, part of it is undeniably egoistic and has little to do with care for Big-P. I mean hey — I’m not about to let a four-year old dictate to me what she does and doesn’t do! So partly it’s an egoistic reaction to her defiant behavior. “I’m the king here!” is what is partially running through my head while I am correcting and punishing and dictating.
This kind of behavior, as I’ve learned, simply makes things worse. As some Taoists call it, this is “Laozi’s Law” in action. When you push against something to enforce something on it, it pushes back. You push hard, it pushes back harder. The world resists your attempts to control it. This is epitome of what would be called an attached (as opposed to an unattached) action. It means not being “open” to the world, and instead trying to dictate to it how it should be.
Sam at Useless Tree, another blog looking at Chinese philosophy in contemporary life, goes a little further with this idea.
Interested by these ideas, I did a quick search to see what else has been written on the topic of Taoism and parenting. Quite a lot
, it appears, though I don’t yet know how good or serious any of those books are.
